When we don't get what we want, we interpret it as, "You don't love me enough." We think, "If you really cared about me, you'd stop driving me crazy with all your irritating habits." Unfortunately, much behavior is mindless; we do many things without thinking.
You live with the partner in your head," explains Van Epp.A highly sexualized society delivers an alluring drumbeat of distractions. Like the relentless drip of a leaky faucet, they erode the goodwill that underlies all relationships. It's just not possible to find another human being whose every quirk, habit, and preference aligns perfectly with yours.But it may be the petty problems that subvert love most surreptitiously. Before you know it, you feel unloved, unheard, and underappreciated, if not criticized and controlled. The fundamental challenge in a relationship, contends New York psychiatrist John Jacobs, is "figuring out how to negotiate and live with your partner's irritants in a way that doesn't alienate them and keeps the two of you connected." When marriages don't work, he adds, often the partners are fighting not over big issues but over petty differences in style.I have just found over the years that discussing such personal emotions and feelings is often hampered by a mixed audience.Feel free to leave your comments, ideas or suggestions.
Gradually, you begin looking for evidence that your partner is self-absorbed—and of course you find it.