But they're far from guaranteed "because there's more to every relationship than just personality type." Still, Overbo noted a few red flags with opposite pairings: "That can be a great combination when you're looking for balance, but it can also cause some hiccups along the way." An example: After a hard day, an E-type may want to talk and "can be seen as maybe barraging [an I-type] with a lot of conversation and a lot of talking.
The I-type is thinking, 'I really want to go into a quiet room and do some reflecting on my day and have my own personal space.
"I'm an ISTJ," he told me, and that's the moment I decided it could be doomed.
It was only my fourth date with the guy, but until then, he'd seemed perfect: an intelligent 23-year-old with blond hair, visible maturity, and the derring-do to wear a pink button-up. , categorizes people into 16 different, four-letter personality types, where each letter represents a preference between two modes of thinking—extroverted (E) versus introverted (I); sensing (S) versus intuitive (N); thinking (T) versus feeling (F); and judging (J) versus perceiving (P).
When some people hear about my personality work, most people think of the Myers-Briggs Test, and tell me they are an ‘INFP’ or an ‘ENFJ’, and ask what I am and how it’s used at e Harmony.
The next part always shocks them: we don’t use the Myers-Briggs. When I tell them that the personality type they just told me isn’t used and doesn’t have much meaning to me, they can’t believe it.
What you should be focusing on is how do I get to understand who that other person actually is, and how they naturally prefer to approach their lives." The real advantage of knowing someone's type starts on that first date "when oftentimes you are coming to them in a way that you feel that they need you to be or want you to be, versus who you really are." The four letters become a shortcut to see through the mask not only you wear but they also do, too.
"The better way to think about it is there's potential in every relationship.
I really need to get energized before I'm ready to engage in that kind of discourse.'" "A lot of times that can cause some issues" because S-types are more detailed-oriented and N-types are more big-picture.
An example: While cooking, an S-type "is going to be measuring out and be really more focused on exactly what's supposed to happen" while the N-type may be like "'We're just gonna throw this in, we're gonna try this new ingredient.' It can cause a lot of humor and fun, but in more serious topics or areas of your life, it can cause some frustration." T-types "decide based on logic and more impersonal analysis" while F-types "make decisions more on human values," which can at times be hard to reconcile.
"And that can be very draining." After talking with Overbo, I realized my approach with dating was all wrong, that Myers-Briggs shouldn't eliminate anyone.
After all, as Overbo said so eloquently, "I think you owe it to yourself as an individual to expect more—and to explore more.
I may be doing [each item] 20 minutes before it needs to be done, but I'll get it done on time, not two days ahead of time.'" My belief about arguing was right.